Stolen Warships and Undead Friends
by fanfreak-7
Summary: River pays TORCHWOOD a visit. Stuff happens. Rated T just to be safe
1. Love and Guns

**This is set after The Wedding of River Song and sometime in season 2 of TORCHWOOD.** I don't own either.

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The Doctor had only just dropped River back in her cell. But she had no plans of staying long. She quickly set the coordinates on her Vortex Manipulator and zapped into Cardiff. Taking in her surroundings, she pulled out a small device and tapped into a nearby CCTV and used it to send out a subwave signal saying 'Hello Sweetie'. Content with her message, she walked down to the public entrance of TORCHWOOD. She opened the door to see a handsome young man at the front desk. River smirked as she stood in front of him. He looked up and smiled.

"Ianto Jones." he said standing up. "How may I help you?" he asked with an adorable Welsh accent. River smiled in a flirting way, taking out the psychic paper she sneakily took from her husband without his noticing, and handed it to Mr. Jones.

"Amy Pond. UNIT. I'm here to see Captain Jack Harkness." she lied easily. Ianto eyed the piece of paper, noticing it was blank and handed it back to her.

"Very well. Follow me." the very handsome Ianto led 'Amy' aka River down into the Hub. "Jack!" Iantocalled as the others looked up at the two of them. "Someone here to see you." An incredibly handsome man in a long WWII coat walked out. "Amy Pond from UNIT. At least that's what she says. Handed me psychic paper." River rolled her eyes.

"Amy Pond? Taking your mother's name now, River Song?" Jack said in very noticeable American vowels.

"Well, you'd know all about taking somebody else's name, wouldn't you, _Captain Jack." _River smiled. "Anyway, that's not why I'm here."

"You had a reason?" Jack asked, feigning disappointment. "I thought you just dropped by to see an old friend." he smiled.

"Old friend? You stole my Warship. I want it back."

"Oh, River Song. There is only one of two things I'd give you. A kiss, or a bullet from this gun." Jack said unholstering his pistol and aiming it at her while she simultaneously took out her gun and aimed it at Jack. "Last time, I didn't care what the legends said about you. But that was before I actually met The Doctor. So tell me. Which part of the legends are true? Did you marry him? Or kill him?" he asked seriously. River smiled in a flirtatious manner.

"Both. I married him. And then I killed him." she said cooly. Jack cocked his gun.

"Then I'll give you the bullet." Just then, a familiar whooshing sound echoed through the Hub as the TARDIS materialized in front of them all. A tall, lanky man in a tweed jacket, bowtie, and fez stepped out of the blue box.

"The only thing you'll be giving her Jack, is whatever the hell she wants. 'Cause she just won't take no for an answer. Love that about her." The Doctor smiled at the Captain then turned to his wife. "Hi honey, I'm home." River lowered her gun and smiled.

"And what sort of time do you call this?"

"Or 'Hello Sweetie' as you used to say." The Doctor said walking over to her while Jack lowered his gun a d watched the two of them.

"Hello Sweetie." River smiled and kissed her husband. When they broke apart, River raised her gun again and shot Jack between the eyes. Everyone else in the Hub raised their guns at River while The Doctor grumbled.

"Guns. I hate guns. So many bloody guns in this place." The Doctor said as Jack woke with a huge gasp of air and glared at River. "Must you kill my friends, River?" he complained to his wife.

"He had it coming. Plus it's entertaining because I can just kill him again." she said shooting Jack TORCHWOOD team prepared to fire.

"Enough with the guns!" The Doctor grumbled and quickly snatched River's gun. For the second time, Jack awoke.

"Hell of a woman you got there, Doc. Didn't know you liked them so hot and dangerous." Javk said getting up and walking over to them.

"What? She nearly destroyed time just to marry me. How could I resist?" The Doctor smiled.

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It sort of started from River's point of view then just wandered. Anyway I hope you guys liked it. As usual, comments and suggestions are more than welcome. :)


	2. Legends and Kissing

**I'm sorry this took so long. It took me awhile to figure out how to continue this story, so I hope you all like it! I'm so happy about all the reviews I've got on this one. Anyway, enjoy! **

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The Doctor and River offered to take Jack to a nearby cafe to explain everything. He accepted immediately, overwhelmed with curiosity.

"Don't follow me." he informed his team. "I just need to know. "

"Don't worry Jack, we can handle things for a few hours." Gwen smiled. He nodded and followed River and her husband. They walked in silence for a few minutes and entered a small cafe overlooking the bay.

"So, when did you get the new face?" Jack asked as the three of them sat down.

"Long story. You'll see me again as I was before this Regeneration." The Doctor said casually.

"Really though. Bowtie and Fez?" he asked looking the Doctor over.

"They're cool! Now from what I hear, you stole my wife's warship. This wouldn't be the warship you had when I first met you and ended up exploding, would it?"

"The very same." River looked as though she was going to kill Jack again.

"It exploded?!" River exclaimed, fuming. The Doctor held in his laugh, watching Jack's terrified expression.

"S-Sorry bout that...so Doc," he said, desperately wanting to change the subject. "Your wife here said she married you then killed you. Yet your alive?"

"Ah, yes well she didn't really kill me. More a teselecta that looked like me with me inside. Not even a scratch on me afterwrds." he smiled and lowered his. "But don't tell anyone." The Doctor winked.

"You faked your own death." Jack stated smiling. "And got married at the same time. Is it normal for your Regenerations to get younger?"

"Don't know." The Docote smiled.

"And your wife here? Is she your companion? Because I thoughts he was supposed to be in Stormcage." Jack asked curiously.

"She is in Stormcage. She just has a nasty habit of escaping nearly everyday." The Doctor explained, smiling.

"A habit you have helped with on more than one occasion, sweetie." River reminded The Doctor, causing him tis blush. "And companion wise, no. I travel with him sometimes but the ones who are the companions are my parents."

"Ah, yes. Amy and Rory Pond." Jack smile.

"So you know them?" The Doctor asked.

"Know of them, actually. They're just as famous as their good looking daughter."

"Jack." The Doctor warned, which caused Ricer to laugh.

"Don't worry, Sweetie. You know I'm all yours." she teased and kissed her husband.

"Okay, Doc. Not getting used to that anytime soon." he said as the two of them broke apart. The Doctor blushed but smiled.

"You're just jealous." River stated, smiling. "And don't think I've forgotten, Captain. You owe me a warship." Jack laughed.

"Done. Just don't shoot me again."


End file.
